Sitting in
the back seat watching the trees go by, listening to the Thai jibber jabber.. I
hear Pi Oi pipe up,”Jou nai jou nai!?” For all my fellow South Africans – you
can imagine my amusement. This petite
and very polite Thai delight was screeching (and for those of you who have been
to Thailand – you’ll know the screech I speak of.) “Jou Nai!” and for all
intent purposes – all I can hear is, “You fucker! You fucker!”
Giggles
galore.
“Megi,
areyna?” (What)
“My pen
rai.” (No worries) and I continue to watch the trees – smiling from ear to ear.
A few days
later we were all sitting around our table finishing up yet another feast –
when Pi Ross (The women and men live separately in the village) called out for
Pi Kop and she screeched back, ”Jou Nai!?” At this point –I burst out laughing
– no more giggles – cackles were in full swing now..and of course every woman
around the table was looking at me with sheer bewilderment and confusion.
Please also
be aware of the fact that Pi Kop is the head of the matayom department – and
practically runs the show around here. She is very conservative – doesn't drink
or smoke and expects you to follow by example – she wears all the polite attire
– taking it a few steps further than necessary. She is best friends with the
boss and marks the teachers every month and so on and so forth. If I had a baht
for every time she used the word “Supap” (polite) I would be a very wealthy
person – even by American standards – yes, the lady says it a lot.
Ok. Back to
the table.
They are
all staring at me. And you can see Pi
Kop definitely wants to know what I find so funny.. I hesitate – how can I
possibly tell her what I am laughing at here..oh boy.. I try think of something
else to say – but alas I have never been good when put on the spot.
“Areyna?”
(What)
I asked
what it meant. She told me that it meant where. “Aaaaahhh. OK.” And then
smiled.
She didn’t break her gaze. “Areyna?” She’s a tough cookie – doesn’t give
up.
“Ummmm..OK.
In Africa Thai Jou nai mai supap.. mai put jou nai.” Explaining how in South
Africa it’s not polite and you mustn’t
say it blah blah..
In any
event she is now more curious than ever – staring at me - she is searching for
the answer herself – digging deep into my eyes.. she's a determined one
and that’s putting it lightly.
I must say
I was rather nervous – time seemed to come to a grinding hault – all the women
were waiting – looking at Pi Kop – and Pi Kop – fixated on me..
And
suddenly as if she had just caught exactly what she wanted, her eyes light up
and she shouts with triumph , “Jou Nai same FUCK YOU!”
Well I
never. My eyes don’t really widen – but I swear on this day, in that moment –
they were so bloody wide they nearly popped out of my head. And if you
could have only heard the way she emphasized “FUCK” - you would have been
hugely impressed!
She looks
at me – waiting to be told what a clever person she is, but I have no words –
so I nod.
AhahahahahaHA!
She cackles, clearly delighted with her genius,“Jou nai same FUCK YOU. FUCK
YOU! FUUUUUUCK YOU!! Jou nai! FUCK YOU!” And so the women join in, and within a
matter of seconds – the entire table of sweet, polite village women are
shouting “Fuck you!” to each other, to the dogs
and to the gods.
Once they
had eventually calmed themselves – and this took much longer than expected, I
swiftly changed the subject and so we began to talk about the schools trip to
Bangkok. A while later – Pi Ross - the man who was – in my mind – being told he
was a fucker earlier, came by.. he walks towards the table – we are nattering
about Bangkok and as he is about to put the rambutans on the table Pi Kop
looks at him and shouts,”Fuck you!”
Well I
never. I honestly don’t know how to put this in words, to give the moment
justice. His face was bewildered. He looked as if he might faint. And I nearly
fell off my chair.
And as
predicted the women follow suit and start saying,”Jou nai same FUCK YOU! FUCK
YOU!” The poor man left with his tail between his legs and the women on the
floor laughing. Although he did not know what on earth it meant – that much was
in plain sight – same for the women – although Pi Kop definitely knew what it
meant – how I do not know.
Anyhoo.. a
few days past and I went to Pi Kop’s place – she lives next to me – and asked
her (in Thai) where she gets her huge canisters of water from – ‘where’ being
the operative word here. She looks
confused..and now I’m confused because it’s such a simple thing.. so I simplify
it even more..”Jou Nai naam.” (Where water)
She stares
at me, and slowly a smile comes across her face as if she gets what I want only
I know she doesn’t because if she did she wouldn’t find it so amusing – it’s
just water after all..
“FUCK
WATER!”
“Kor tot Ka
Pi Kop?” (Excuse me Pi Kop)
She is very
pleased with herself, “FUCK WATER!”
“Mai mai
mai Pi Kop.” (no no no)
I explain
how I really do want to know where she gets her water, and once again remind
her that she musnt go around saying Fuck this and Fuck that – it’ll catch on
and the last thing we need is an entire village of people saying,”Sawadee
Ka..FUCK YOU!”
She
explains how they don’t know what it means – only she does but won’t tell me
how – but agrees – she will stop.
As I get to
the door I thank her,”Kap kun ka Pi Kop.”
“My Pen Rai
Megi.” (No problem)
And she calls
for me as I’m leaving,”Megi?”
“Chai?”
(Yes)
“FUCK YOU!”
and so begins the cackle..
I get back
to my cottage – slump down on my couch,
breathe out a huge sigh and all I can think is..
“Fuck.”
