30. “Jou nai.. same FUCK YOU!

Sitting in the back seat watching the trees go by, listening to the Thai jibber jabber.. I hear Pi Oi pipe up,”Jou nai jou nai!?” For all my fellow South Africans – you can imagine my amusement.  This petite and very polite Thai delight was screeching (and for those of you who have been to Thailand – you’ll know the screech I speak of.) “Jou Nai!” and for all intent purposes – all I can hear is, “You fucker! You fucker!”

Giggles galore.

“Megi, areyna?” (What)

“My pen rai.” (No worries) and I continue to watch the trees – smiling from ear to ear.

A few days later we were all sitting around our table finishing up yet another feast – when Pi Ross (The women and men live separately in the village) called out for Pi Kop and she screeched back, ”Jou Nai!?” At this point –I burst out laughing – no more giggles – cackles were in full swing now..and of course every woman around the table was looking at me with sheer bewilderment and confusion.

Please also be aware of the fact that Pi Kop is the head of the matayom department – and practically runs the show around here. She is very conservative – doesn't drink or smoke and expects you to follow by example – she wears all the polite attire – taking it a few steps further than necessary. She is best friends with the boss and marks the teachers every month and so on and so forth. If I had a baht for every time she used the word “Supap” (polite) I would be a very wealthy person – even by American standards – yes, the lady says it a lot.

Ok. Back to the table.

They are all staring at me.  And you can see Pi Kop definitely wants to know what I find so funny.. I hesitate – how can I possibly tell her what I am laughing at here..oh boy.. I try think of something else to say – but alas I have never been good when put on the spot.

“Areyna?” (What)

I asked what it meant. She told me that it meant where. “Aaaaahhh. OK.” And then smiled.

She didn’t break her gaze. “Areyna?” She’s a tough cookie – doesn’t give up.

“Ummmm..OK. In Africa Thai Jou nai mai supap.. mai put jou nai.” Explaining how in South Africa it’s not polite and you mustn’t  say it blah blah..

In any event she is now more curious than ever – staring at me - she is searching for the answer herself – digging deep into my eyes.. she's a determined one and that’s putting it lightly.

I must say I was rather nervous – time seemed to come to a grinding hault – all the women were waiting – looking at Pi Kop – and Pi Kop – fixated on me..

And suddenly as if she had just caught exactly what she wanted, her eyes light up and she shouts with triumph , “Jou Nai same FUCK YOU!”

Well I never. My eyes don’t really widen – but I swear on this day, in that moment – they were so bloody wide they nearly popped out of my head. And if you could have only heard the way she emphasized “FUCK” - you would have been hugely impressed!

She looks at me – waiting to be told what a clever person she is, but I have no words – so I nod.

AhahahahahaHA! She cackles, clearly delighted with her genius,“Jou nai same FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU! FUUUUUUCK YOU!! Jou nai! FUCK YOU!” And so the women join in, and within a matter of seconds – the entire table of sweet, polite village women are shouting “Fuck you!” to each other, to the dogs  and to the gods.

Once they had eventually calmed themselves – and this took much longer than expected, I swiftly changed the subject and so we began to talk about the schools trip to Bangkok. A while later – Pi Ross - the man who was – in my mind – being told he was a fucker earlier, came by.. he walks towards the table – we are nattering about Bangkok and as he is about to put the rambutans on the table Pi Kop looks at him and shouts,”Fuck you!”

Well I never. I honestly don’t know how to put this in words, to give the moment justice. His face was bewildered. He looked as if he might faint. And I nearly fell off my chair.

And as predicted the women follow suit and start saying,”Jou nai same FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU!” The poor man left with his tail between his legs and the women on the floor laughing. Although he did not know what on earth it meant – that much was in plain sight – same for the women – although Pi Kop definitely knew what it meant – how I do not know.

Anyhoo.. a few days past and I went to Pi Kop’s place – she lives next to me – and asked her (in Thai) where she gets her huge canisters of water from – ‘where’ being the operative word here.  She looks confused..and now I’m confused because it’s such a simple thing.. so I simplify it even more..”Jou Nai naam.” (Where water)

She stares at me, and slowly a smile comes across her face as if she gets what I want only I know she doesn’t because if she did she wouldn’t find it so amusing – it’s just water after all..

“FUCK WATER!”

“Kor tot Ka Pi Kop?” (Excuse me Pi Kop)

She is very pleased with herself, “FUCK WATER!”

“Mai mai mai Pi Kop.” (no no no)

I explain how I really do want to know where she gets her water, and once again remind her that she musnt go around saying Fuck this and Fuck that – it’ll catch on and the last thing we need is an entire village of people saying,”Sawadee Ka..FUCK YOU!”

She explains how they don’t know what it means – only she does but won’t tell me how – but agrees – she will stop.

As I get to the door I thank her,”Kap kun ka Pi Kop.”

“My Pen Rai Megi.” (No problem)

And she calls for me as I’m leaving,”Megi?”

“Chai?” (Yes)

“FUCK YOU!” and so begins the cackle..

I get back to my cottage – slump down on  my couch, breathe out a huge sigh and all I can think is..

“Fuck.”