48. My new friend Jack

Ok so I met this Brittish fella Jack “from the wrong side of London.” In Siem Reap – and had a good week there and continued the journey together to Battambang where we stayed for four eventful nights, on our first day we linked up with Koen from Belgium who does yoga and meditation and eats light and healthy – adding an entirely fresh and different person into the mix J Anyhoo the three of us had a whale of a time, eating out and pottering about – which could be anything from  looking at the odd temple or waiting to see the guy who had just hacked part of his head up on a fan in his room and was being taken to hospital, or checking out a Khmer rouge massacre sight of sorts, the crocodile farm (where one really weird British expat likes to go and poke them with a stick when he’s having a bad day.) I suppose he’s not as weird as the other British ex pat who ran the gay bar in Battambang – and molested Cambodian street kids – he is currently serving a ten year sentence in a Cambodian prison. 

OH! And going to the circus – which was AMAZING – no animals – otherwise I would not have gone but wow – they were brilliant! Definitely a highlight – or perhaps the two nights out were.. Battambang is a small town that goes dead at around 10 or so, but it just kind of happened that after a pub quiz at our hostel Jack and I joined another girl and her friend – who was a tuk tuk driver so he drove us all out to a brothel where we went to sing kareoke – it was so entertaining – and so SO weird J 

Then another night Jack and I hopped on the back of two motorcycles and got taken to this place on the side of the river and drank beers chatting to two gay Khmer dudes, who didn’t speak English but did speak Thai so I was the translator between the Thai and English – which I really enjoyed – made me miss Klong Sao and my friendlies over there so much! Oh, we also went on a Bamboo train ride – literally a plank of Bamboo – with two Serbian lesbians which was really fun (as were the open convos over a few beers afterwards :) And went to a bat cave and the killing caves – where we had the weirdest guide ever – we couldn’t understand anything he said but he was really cute. Funny lil dude, and it’s pretty obvious what you’re looking at anyway so it didn’t really matter (a slaughter cave  used by the Khmer rouge.) The thing is in Cambodia, what we have found anyway is that unlike places like Indo or Malaysia, Thailand or India, there is not much to do here or many places to go – there are a few key spots and then for the rest of the time you just amble, chill, and do whatever – just be in Cambodia – it’s very relaxing – and still so beautiful – being in a tuk tuk, on the back of a motor bike or in a bus is still something I really love because it is so green and so lush – heart chakra is wide open!

 Koen and I have now left – heading towards Phnom Pen via the floating villages (interesting to see the local life there – no English and all that jazz – you know the drill by now :) Our bus ride (I got my way – he wanted to hitch hike – I wanted a bus – and thankfully this bus did not crash like the other one that decapitated a motorcycle man’s head)And our new found friend Jack is off to Thailand, and I must say I am very sad to have let this Brittish dude go.

And I think you should meet him..

Here he is.. Mr Jack himself :)

MANNERS – the rude pom!

He’s a character all right. I’ve always loved the British accent – it can make the most dull things sound amusing. But Jack has his own language in a sense – and combined with his accent – gets lots of laughs although he cannot understand why. For instance when I had my first meal with this monster eater (more on that in a bit) he turned to the waitress across the room, “Hey! Can we pay.” Lordy. I was shocked and horrified by the rudeness of it all and corrected him saying,”You say Excuse me, can we have the bill please.” And he said,”Why? That takes so long, I don’t think I’m being rude, I just want to give her my money.” And the thing is that whether it’s his tone or accent or both combined, you forgive his manners and laugh instead (although I am also very quick to call for the bill before he does :)

FOOD – monster eating machine!

Boy can this guy eat “I can always eat.” He ate at least four meals a day, and got rather addicted to the chicken Amok“Hmmm, I think I’ll have a chicken Amok.” But of coarse J – he eats so much sometimes “straight from the pot.” That he’ll have to have breaks and drink a liter of warm water to settle his stomach, and then he continues to finish the meal! “When I cook I don’t measure so I just add a little more rice, and then a little more.. because you just don’t know. Then it’s always way too much but I have to finish it.” When Koen, who is very health conscious ordered a fruit salad for lunch and afterwards said how full he was, Jack was agast,”What?? How? You didn’t eat anything! There was space on your plate!”

DRINKING – below ten doesn’t count.

When Koen said, “Oh so we’re having a drinking night again then.” Jack responded, “NO.” (as if this was such a ridiculous thing to say.) “It only turns into a drinking night when you’ve had at least ten beers.”

DOGS – Not the biggest fan.

“I like dogs, but only if they look like dogs, like a Labrador looks like a dog so I’m fine with that. But when it has eyes on the side of it’s head and they’re too big for their sockets ..It’s just a human experiment so I might as well smack it with a spade or throw it in a crocodile pool.”

WINNING – it’s the way he likes it.

Playing in our team at the pub quiz – he took it all very seriously, and when after a round or two we we’re in second place – us girls were squealing with delight and there’s Mr Jack, all matter - of - factly, ”We’re ok, but we can do better.” And when I gave him that incredulous look that he’s become so accustomed to (half shocked - half about to laugh.) He merely shrugs, ”What? I like winning.”

HONESTY – his only policy.

He doesn’t tend to filter things in the same way as most people I know do, he is honest and straight to the point – which too, can be very amusing. For instance waiting for our bus in SIem Reap (this was his first bus – he’s been travelling around on his motorcycle but he sold it just before we left.) – and we had literally only been there for fifteen minutes when he announced, ”This is horrible.” When the waitress brought the food without the bread used to dip into it he declared, “This place is nice but the service is shit.”

After a day in the sun riding our bikes I got rather burnt and he was very quick to point out, ”You got burnt on your chest. That’s not good you’ll end up like one of those gross grannies on the beach with the cracked chests.”

When after one of our big nights out (when we went to the brothel and sang karaoke) I slept in the next day and jack came striding into the dorm, fetched something then as he strides out, he barks back at me,”Get up. It’s late! You’ve been sleeping for ten hours.”

I suppose it goes hand in hand with him being very practical – for instance he only believes things are true if they can be scientifically proven. Or what you see – that’s true for him, so no fortune tellers or past lives for Mr Jack. We were sharing our different experiences with him and he listened politely, waited until we had finished and then just said,”No. I’d have to see that to believe it.”

CHILDREN –No only child allowed.

When I mentioned that unlike me, my sister only wants one child, he argued, “NO! That is just not right, you must have two.” (And there I was agreeing and thinking it’s because of the company you gain with having a sibling..not being lonely and all that jazz, but then Mr Jack continued..in all seriousness, “What if one dies, at least you still have the other one.” Like a spare kid.. :/

COUCH SURFING – a hard host.

(couch surfing being a group website where people host each other for free around the world.)

Jack,”I think I would be a good host. Yeah. But I would definitely need a copy of their passport and I would reserve the right not to talk to them.”

BRITISH PEOPLE – not interested while abroad.

Looking at the check in list at the hostel and seeing all the people from the UK,“Hey. Lots of people from the UK, how boring.”

Later on in conversation, “I don’t like meeting people from the UK, I’ve got nothing to learn from them.”

CAMBODIA – done with meeting people.

When we left him in Battambang he still had one night left but our hostel was full so in discussing where he should check into he said,”I think I’ll get my own room at the Chaya, not stay in a dorm. I’m done with meeting people in Cambodia.”

So that’s that then J

I really hope I see Jack again one day, he’s an interesting, intelligent  character and a heleva funny one – I really have had such a good time over the past twelve or whatever days – and I miss the British giant already! :(

Best of luck to him in the land of Thai and beyond!