14. Hello hello, a few days to go, go go!!

Hello hello!

Wow, it feels like ages since I've written..so much has happened! I left Johannesburg, flew to Cape Town and had one heluva long weekend - "It's celebration time, come on!" A whirlwind of cocktails, late nights and looooooong conversations provided for a fitting farewell. 

Then I drove to Swellendam with my great-uncle and his boyfriend, to stay with my grandparents for the week. Hot water bottles, heated blankets, cosy fires, walks with granny, heated debates about our country and death tax with Grampy, embroidery, being thrashed at our family card game "Spite and Malice" - of which I have been the Queen for many a year, a trip to visit my incredibly flamboyant and completely mad uncle in Plettenberg Bay (We had to get him some new teeth - long story..) Janis Joplin, and Tom the wild cat made for a spectacular family vay-kay!

I then went back to Cape Town and had one last bang with one of my best friends, the ever so darling Chelsea. My last day was spent with my big sister 'Nunu' and then my Prince Andrew arrived to bid me a sad fare the well.. 

I don't think that there is a single person who doesn't think that I'm going to smuggle a statue of drugs through to Bali or something. Not because they think I would want to (I do not, will not and will never.) but because they think that I am just so incredibly gullible and open to all, that I'll become friends with some really doggy character and be the one saying, "Mum, don't judge him, he's really friendly and he gave me this amazing back pack and told me to wait until I'm over the border to look at the surprise he left inside! How sweet! You see!?" I must admit, I do get where everyone's concern is coming from. I am open to all, I do not judge, and always see the good in people, and often choose to ignore the bad - which is not always such a good thing. Hardly ever is. I am also gullible. Tell me the moon is further than Pluto with a straight face, and I'll be inclined to believe you. 

Needless to say, I left Cape Town sick. Sick, sick, sick. With one week to go until I set off for Thailand and a mountain of running around to do, I get sick, sick, sick.

I have never actually been to the doctor before, never been my mother's thing. We're healthy and we get on with it. Strong like bull. Yet now, I go and get diagnosed with Sinusitis and Bronchitis. For the first time in my life I am put on a course of anti biotic. Joy. But wait, it doesn't stop there, I get a sudden and very severe case of (first time) eczema! All over my face and it spreads to the back of my neck, arms and hands. Apparently my immune system is low, perhaps from all the rabies treatment.. and stress. I get creams and pills, pills, pills.. Then I get to the gynaecologist who puts me on a series of anti biotic that if you so much as have half a glass of wino with, you break out in hives. No farewell champagne for me.

Went for my Vitamin B, Thypoid, Hepatitus A, Hepatitus B and some other injection today..And the nurse said, “This is going to sting." And when I didn’t flinch, “You take them well." Try getting your tummy electrocuted with a needle, that's pain..which makes this, a piece of blueberry pie. I've been getting electrolysis done – amazing stuff, but fucking painful. No words. Tomorrow I see the dentist, time for some injections, jaw pulling and drilling. Fun. I swear, I feel like a walking scientific experiment.

For someone who has never really been to any kind of doctor or had any medication, I'm suddenly spending my days popping pills, and lying back in different chairs being jabbed and sampled left right and centre. My prince Andrew thinks that I'm so lucky because I'm having all these things done, "You are fixing yourself babe, doesn't that feel great!?" I suppose it does, but as always with me, when it rains, it pours. So perhaps if I were doing all of this over a few months it would be easy, but all in a week. Jesus. Hold me back.

Although none of this bothers me. I'm doing fantastically, got some dollars in cash yesterday..they are so preeeeedy..looks like monopoly money! Got my Visa too! A non-immigrant ED VISA, double entry! Stoked!

Can't believe I leave this weekend, everyone I bump into asks me if I'm scared, and I keep saying, "No! I'm excited!! I can't friggen wait, what's to be scared of!? Adventure times ahead!" Although, as I’m writing this I can feel all the nerves, fuck a duck. I think I might well be scared. In fact I think I'm shit scared. Oh boy, I just have to breathe and smile, do a lil jiggle-wiggle and trust myself. Then I feel great again. All will be well. It's my time, I can feel it!

I had such a lovely dinner with my friend Sandra this evening! She was drinking a Mojito and I wanted to have a drink too, but I don’t want hives. "Hives, Long Island, Hives, Long Island.." Can you believe I was even considering..! Honestly.

Luckily the ever so wise Sandsi pandsi suggested a red bull since it tastes like alcohol, so I can just believe it is. She was right, the minute I took my first sip, "Wow, it's total booze!" and Sands exclaims, "I know right, I can smell the club!" True's Bob. Red Bull does taste like alcohol and it sure smells like you’re in a club. 

My eccentric uncle advised me, just in case his liver does decide to finally lose its long and hard battle with the ever so persistent bottle of whiskey.."Monge-Two (His nick name for me) whatever you do in your life, just promise me one thing -that you will never be suburban or colorless." 

"Martie-capartie (My nick name for him). Do you think, even if I tried, I could ever be either?"

"Quite right Monge. You are indeed a Rattray.” (My mother's maiden name - a completely off the wall bunch – gotta love em. I know I do.)

 I'm rather exhausted so I must turn in, although I'm not sure how on Earth I am going to sleep..Phuket fever is all over me!