17. Same same, but different :)

This morning I woke up stiff as fuck. I swear, Boe my Elephant really did take me for a ride!Desperate to spend a penny, I crawled my sore self out of bed, and proceeded to hang outside the bathroom for at least, no exaggeration, at least – forty five minutes. Eventually I went back to my room and wizzed through a few chapters of my delightful book,”The night Circus” by Erin Morgenstern, which is pulling and tugging my imagination in directions I always deemed impossible.

In any event, I went back and sat on the stairs outside the bathroom. Suddenly the door unlocked and I could feel my bladder giving an astounding applause, as the Swedish girl ( The one who wanted to upgrade to the room Noon gave to me, as from today – at no extra charge – whoohoo!) came out, and said,”I didn't know anyone was waiting.” I smiled politely,”No worries.” It's so funny how people often say something like that and on the inside they're thinking,” Sure chick. No one on the entire floor needed to go to the loo this morning. Now by all means, speed up your glacial pace so I can having a fucking piss already!” lol..

After the most fantastic tinkle of my entire life, I got showered and fresh - only to sweat away any cleanliness a mere half hour later:) I'm going snorkelling tomorrow and left my bikini top in Phi Phi (what goes to Phi Phi really does stay in Phi Phi.) So I set off to buy a new one. I searched high and low, but in town they are over 1000 Baht and I just aint having that. I did find a shop with some for half the price and so I picked the first one I thought could hold up my knockers, turned to the two (strangely) snotty Thai women, “Where can I try this on?” “No can.” “Excuse me?” “No try.” “But how do I know if it fits?” “Same same.” “No same same. I need to try to see if it fits.” “Ya. Fit.” “No, please can I try it on over my top, and just the boob part.”

This goes back and forth, with the three of us getting more and more frustrated. To make matters worse, the shop is right next door to a 7/11 which has this door that goes,”DING! DING!” every time someone stands near it. It's enough to drive anyone mental.

Pushing the bikini onto me, “500. Now. Buy.” DING! DING! “I want to -” DING! DING! “..try it on..” DING! DING! “..over my top.” DING! DING!”No can.” DING! DING! “It fit.” DING! DING! DING! DING! “No, I can't just take it, I have to..” DING! DING! “500. Buy.” DING! DING! “Listen, I really need to - ” DING! DING! “Buy now.” aaaaaaahhh!! I was biting my tongue not to shot at these two cretins,”Back the fuck up bitches or i'll blow this rice paddy right up!”

The next thing, an angel appears – on a scooter of coarse! “Lady, where you wana go?” The devil witches from hell started screeching at him. I think they were basically telling him to fuck right off, and one of them witches had her claws in my arm,”You buy. Look good.” DING! DING!

And with that I lept onto my angels ride and told him to take me to Ao Nang town to buy a bikini, and we did just that. I felt like I was fleeing some mad scene in a movie, and if I turned around I’d see their shop bursting into flames.

So I spent the next hour looking through zillions of bikinis, but my knockers are just too big for these Asian sizes. “You extra large large.” Large large? Great. Thankfully my very big brain kicked into gear and I decided I’d buy one of their padded boob tubes, and since the pads are way too small – I’d cut a small whole on the side (inside) and pull them out! Then the fabric would fit (as it scrunches and curls over the padding.) Then I’d take a ribbon or something and gather the middle together to make the shape right again. So instead I only paid 350 Baht and I sat in their shop, used their scissors and did just that. I thought their eyes were going to pop out of their heads. I used my hair tie instead of ribbon as I didn't have any on me and put on my new bikini! Tada! I even got claps from the Thai ladies! Very VERY big brain indeed:) I love my new bikini, leopard print and all;)

I jumped into the turquoise sea, had a swim and then sat on the beach drinking my personal favourite – a watermelon shake. My body was still aching, but I knew not to worry because as soon as I was done, I’d grab a massage:) It was the best massage I’ve ever had – EVER! When it was (regretfully) over, I felt as though I had been reborn again..

Luckily I caught the last bus (just in the nick of time) back to Krabi town, where I went and had a prawn salad and a Long Island. Every time I have a Long Island I miss my Prince Andrew and I could feel him sitting there, cackling away with me – and I felt my heart get warmer with each thought of him. So I asked for a pen and paper and wrote him this:

My darling Prince, I miss you and so does my Long Island. I miss your voice,”Baaaayyybe!” I miss your filthy tounge,”Jesus fucking Christ move you bitch arsehole! What the fuck shit is your problem!? Fuck your mother! AAAAHHHHHH!!” - referring to his road rage obviously :) I miss laughing so much we nearly wet ourselves,”Babe, seriously stop! I can't handle!” Mostly, I think of our last hug goodbye..clutching onto each other as we made our demands..

“Ok, Babe just promise me you won't have sex with a Thai man. No Asian persuasion.”

“Ok, and you promise me you'll be healthy. That you'll look after your body and mind.”

I've kept my promise (with no intention of breaking it) Have you?

Our second requests we're that I not get put into a Thai Jail – woops..broke that one already, and that you come visit me in Thailand. Tell me your not breaking that too? :(

I love you, and think about you at least twenty times a day.

Your Meggie.

Xoxo

Anyhoo, I ended up having another Long Island with some British lads:) who invited me to join them on a hike tomorrow afternoon, but unfortunately I’m booked to go snorkelling around some islands for the day, not that my thighs could manage it anyway. The strangest thing happened when I finished my second drink..

I said, (and as the words came out of my mouth I was wondering who this person was, because I certainly hadn't met her before.) “Right dudes, it's been fun – but I should head on home.” “What are you talking about, it's early still.” “Yeah but I'm rather knackered and I have an early start tomorrow.” “Don't be boring. All South African's know how to party.” “Haha. Darling, trust me. I'm never boring and I definitely know how to party. In fact I redefine the term. Just not tonight.” Realizing that he had been defeated,”Ok. Here is my number in case you get back to your hotel and realize what a loser you are being and you change your mind.” I laugh. “Thanks. Maybe later this week.”

As I walked away I couldn't believe what I’d just done. SO not me. Or maybe I'm changing after all. I must say, I do feel different.

“Same same, but different.” :)