5. Oh, to be normal..

Buying my 3 litre box wine yesterday, I walk over to this woman paying for her bottle, and with a big smile, say ”Hi!”

She turns to me, my face instantly freezes. Thinking to myself,  ‘Fuck. Just keep smiling, be normal. No! You seem like a weird person, look away. Now!'  So I do and I stare at the cashier instead.

I could feel my face stuck in this tense spasm, the blood rushing to my cheeks, not knowing whether I should laugh, walk away or simply say,” I’m so sorry I thought you we’re Taryn. The fiancé of a family friend, my mistake.”  - Even there I’m saying too much, just a simple, “Sorry, thought you we’re someone else” would suffice, but never with me.

Instead I choose to look at her and say, ”Cold, ey.” She gives me a strange look. I think she can tell that I’m terribly uncomfortable, that I don’t want to talk to her and so she can’t understand why I am talking to her at all. She responds, “Yes.”

And instead of just leaving it now, I do the typical ‘Megan thing’ and go on further, with that same stupid expression, as if I was about to burst into hysterics of laughter and have a nervous breakdown at the same time, “I don’t mind the cold, although I am more of a summer person.”  I clear my throat, ‘This is so weird. Look back at the cashier. Just stop.’  But no. I look at this bewildered lady and start to giggle, and then stumbling over my words I continue, “Spring is my favourite season.. Actually.  If we had to choose..One..” To make matters worse, because of my lack of sleep lately, my eye is twitching furiously. At this point her eyebrows are stuck to the ceiling and she politely whispers, “Goodbye.”  I clear my thought again, and the words barely come out,”Bye.”

She didn’t seem annoyed, more concerned for my mental well- being and a little confused by my laughter.  I really think she felt sorry for me which made it so much worse. I could just see her thinking, “That poor girl, she is so weird..Going up to strangers to talk about the weather!”