11. Man Vs Woman

Women are complicated. That’s putting it simply. I know that every person on this planet knows that, and without fail, has something to say about it. So today, I say this:

I remember watching the film, “The upside of anger.” There is this scene that has always stuck with me, of Kevin Costner sitting at the one end of the table with these four daughters and their mother at the opposite head. The women banter back and forth, and by the end of it the mother snipes,”What do you know, you’re just a child”. At this point (you really have to watch it to understand.) He giggles (A man’s giggle of course, but I’m not sure what you would call a man’s giggle. A giggle certainly doesn’t sound manly. Anyway, whatever. It’s all the same. He giggles.) The mother quips, “And what is so funny.”He hesitantly responds, “Nothing, it’s just your all such women.”

So true. Women are by nature, super sensitive and analytical. We break moments down into very small pieces, and devour them. What does he mean by that and how should I respond? If I say this will he think that, but what if I don’t? Do you think he thinks this and if he does what should I do? When Lucy said that last week, I think she was totally out of line. I mean she isn’t one to talk..with the happenings going on in her life. What’s going on with Lucy, not that I care, but please do tell. And so we proceed.

How I sometimes wish I was a man. Yet I’m sure, probably more hopeful, that we are actually disillusioned by them. Surely men are not that basic. But do they really think how we think they do? I doubt it. That chick looks hot. I’m hungry. The new x box looks rad. Can’t believe Courtney broke up with Tim, loser. Whatever, we’ll go get a beer later and watch the game, sorted.

They simply can’t think that minimally.

And if they do, I wish I was a man.

Or do I? I suppose that since I already think like a woman, the idea of thinking like a man fills me with complete and utter horror - Perhaps because the thoughts of certain men in my life have shocked and horrified me. Often I’ve been left looking like a deer staring into headlights , because some “dude” has done something like cheated on me with every female name I could come up with, and then in his defence said, “I’m sorry, what more can I say.”

“What more can you say!?!?!?!? Are you fucking kidding me!!!!??” How about, “I love you because of this and this and this and this. The day we met made me feel like this. This and this and this and this is what happened, and when I did that I was feeling this and this. I’m so sorry for this and this and this and this and this and that. I would take this back with this, and do this to fix that. And Losing you would do this, this and that to me.” And then (and I don’t mean without the very long and detailed explanation, he could perhaps grovel some more, run me a bubble bath, give me a back massage, buy me some flowers or some shit like that. We are women after all, so let’s face it; sometimes that kind of shit is the best shit. Flowers and chocolate.

You’d think something so simple would come easy to a simple man. Perhaps they aren’t so simple after all. Not that any of this would secure a woman’s trust or secure a woman’s  ‘wanting for you’ ever again, because at the end of the day, woman are not simple, and are indeed..far more complicated, that even us fellow women fail to understand each other, most of the time.